i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize