That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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