she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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