So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
