I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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