i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is wine microwaveable?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
