I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
