Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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