Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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