i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize