i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
