woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
