go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
