my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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