My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
