I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
