i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
