i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
