How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
kristin has been a bad kristin
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
