i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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