This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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