Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
