Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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