Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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