Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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