Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
