ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
