I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
