Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
