I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
