Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
