You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
