I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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