I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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