I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
