you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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