I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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