I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
