She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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