I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
