There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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