So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
