Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
