just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
