That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
