just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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