I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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