This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
