How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
