You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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