do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
