Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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