Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
