I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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