i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
