i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
