Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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