I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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