Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
