I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
