I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
