He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
