She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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