Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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